Monday, 29 April 2013

HAR EK FRIEND KAMINA HOTA HAI


There is a taaza new entry to the Mumbai tagda paisa-waali aunty club, populated by richie rich producers’ and biggie stars’ shined to perfection wives(never a wrinkle dare darken their splendid smooth visage). Now the swish women are not ready to let the interloper, lets call her Switty (yes sweety but like tzhat!), into their ozoned existence but the behenji-turned babe from Punjab will not take no for an answer. The cruel A lister swish women are having a ball at her expense making fun of her english, calling her everything from wannabe behenji to all agriculture but no culture variety and some rather below the skirt expletives about the age disparity between her and her distributor husband. Well Switty Aunty is nothing if not Focussed.

She believes she had the mega-moolah and that alone gives her right to be part of the hip gang. Switty thought she just needed to break the ice somewhat so she sent expensive chased silver invites to diamond-dripping card parties and mehendi ceremonies at swanky watering holes and baby showers and baby fashion shows with sparkling kids on display at the plushest restro-bars, the most exclusive night clubs.


She even had a dog shows, a Halloween party at an A-list discotheques, till one of the Bombay waali rich and swish auntie set bitched on twitter that she sweared she heard Switty say that  Halloween had something to do with ‘Jessus’.  Whell it so happened that the behneji from Punjab who happened to be following all of them ladies on twitter( they actually dint imagine her to be ‘hip’enough to be on twitter) read every bitchy tweet about her and her icecream making and pastry-making competitions!! So what did our Switty do? She laid low for some time and came back with such a whopper revenge that axed her harassers in one swift blow! We also got the invite ..to her ‘goodluck at Cannes party!!’. Yes we too are gobsmacked !! Mrs Switty has been invited to the Canne film festival courtesy her husband’s film. Last heard the swish A lister aunties are scrambling for invites to the do.

Thursday, 25 April 2013

SHAITAN


A married actress-former model has had a nerve-wracking time dealing with a stalker. Initially she tried to ignore him as a fan cum gawker. She tried not to be embarrassed or cowed down by him standing in front of her studio waiting for her to come out with flowers in his hands. He took care that he stood on public space so that she could not get her office men to really throw him out. Did she feel guilty? After all she was the one who had accepted his friendship request on Facebook some months ago. She told her friends she was unsure when she did it as there were a bulk of requests pending and she had accepted his mistaking him for a harmless fan. She had never imagined in her wildest dreams that her casual ‘Hello!!’ to a Facebook ‘Hi!!’ would lead her into such a horrible situation. Tracing back to the sequence of events she figured that after she accepted the request she was bombarded with hundreds of messages and she blocked him from Facebook.
The actress-model maintains she saw her stalker’s face for the first time when he confronted her with flowers in her office lift leaving her confounded and very shaken for an instant. But she soon got over her initial shock and gave the boy a piece of her mind ‘quite sternly’ she puts it! Despite her friends’ cautionary advises she was still undecided on whether to take him seriously, he looked pretty young and harmless and she thought he would soon get over his one-sided crush when matters blew up. She found little notes inserted in the flower pots outside her house and thrown into her balcony. Her TV-serials’ director husband was inundated with letters containing explicit photographs and obscene threats leaving her dumbstruck and in a state of shock. Letters containing explicit photos (found to be morphed) of the actress started arriving at the family’s residence. Notes which contained pervert explicit content. The letters were also sent to the school where her children study which led to the teary actress lodging a complaint with the nearby police station With even surveillance footage did not yield any results the probe soon hit a dead-end when the police probed the Facebook angle and caught the pervert. The boy turned out to be a reject from the recent audition for a film. It turns out the boy was pissed with the director who had rejected him for a negative role in an upcoming TV serial. So he gave a live audition, which of course still did not have any takers and only earned him a severe reprimand. The actress is just happy that she got the benefit of doubt from her husband and her family rallied around her and the Shaitan pervert is out of her life.

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Besharam Badtameez!!!

She had been in a visibly bad mood from the moment she came to the bollywood award show party. Her superstar boyfriend, known for his roving eye, was not spending enough time with her and she was feeling depressed. Craving his company she had succumbed to secret midnight visits to her boyfriend’s pad but that was seen as a a desperate attempt to keep tabs on the man and make sure that their relationship works out.

Matters came to a head when at a recent award show they were spotted having a heated argument. The reason was not the superstar’s growing closeness with his stunning ex but his new fondness for another sexy and young energetic actress known for her mesmerizing jhatka matkas. Now the superstar is not the sort of chap who likes to be told where to make his friends but (close friends say) he is at his wits end on how to deal with the jealous girlfriend’s unreasonable demands and jealous fits. So when at this late night private party which happened after the award show the sexy young energetic actress sidled towards the superstar and was getting too over friendly with him the jealous girlfriend saw red. And pointedly ignored the young actress to send the message home, but the actress quite a live wire bizli could not care less. Of course the superstar, who loves being the center of attention, made no attempts to restrain the sexy young thing which only made her more bold and brazen and She soon started teasing him loudly with badtameez comments like ‘Tu tau aivein hi patt gaya’ (meaning I hooked you so easily) …And He caught up in the joie de vivre moment was heard making besharam (intimate and inappropriate) repartees on her ‘deewani jawani’ like ‘theek se baith—sit properly—’.

The two young people were obviously having a ball exchanging cheesy liners and all that when the superstar’s pouty Laila lost it and staged a pointed walked out !! But what’s worse the superstar did not move an inch to get his girlfriend back and  proceeded to have a whale of a time with the sexy young actress in the party which lasted till morning.

Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Afsaana


So one of my Karachi friend who is always raving and ranting about Bollywood superstars and their attitudes had this one to tell. Apparently there quite a buzz about this Bollywood Superstar’s starry me-god-you-who attitude but this one was so bizzare it left me gobsmacked. The superstar known for his oratorical skills was invited to do a joint recitation with a well-known Pakistani cultural writer, both being unsurpassed in their connect with the audience they address. The Pakistani author was excited as while the superstar was to recite from his father’s poetry he was to do readings from legendary Saadat Hassan Manto 's works. Since it was their first joint reading the Pakistani writer-author wanted to connect to the superstar before they did their join sessions in front of their Mumbai fans. The busy superstar’s PR courteously informed the author that the superstar had absolutely no time to connect and asked him to get in touch when he arrived in Mumbai. The author reached Mumbai, and after thoroughly identifying the Manto paragraphs he would be reading from, the man again tried to get in touch with the superstar to discuss some common reading points but without any luck. The superstar’s PR courteously informed him that since the star was absolutely neck deep in prior commitments he should get in touch with them on the day of the event. The author had no choice but to rehearse alone in his hotel room.
D day finally arrived and the author (by now not willing to call the star himself) waited for someone from the superstar’s coterie to invite him to engage with the star for some time before they read publicly. The superstar finally arrived amidst great fanfare right on dot when the event was set to start and proceeded to read from his collection of readings.  
This was followed by the Pakistani author who read interesting verses from Saadat Hasan Manto and what followed was a very engaging and successful exchange of ideas which was played out to a packed crowd.
The reading over the Pakistani author was requested by the superstar’s PR to come to the stage for joint photo – ops with the superstar. The Pakistani author smiled tersely, quietly got up packed his sheets and said:
‘Janaab my work is now OVER. Your superstar’s work begins NOW.’ And left without getting a single photo clicked with the superstar. 

Monday, 22 April 2013

ACTRESS MOBBED


Despite her ‘friends with benefits’ equation with Salman Khan and a dream debut opposite him this Katrina Kaif look-a-like has not managed to make any headway in Bollywood. While she is still invited to perform at award shows, courtesy her ‘connections’, Zarine Khan has to depend totally on her mentor and his buddy’s for role handouts. The good thing is she seems to be in demand in the small town circuit for special appearances which the girl reportedly has to depend on to fund her rather expensive needs. This time the actress had a scary experience which left her shaking to her well-manicured toenails. In Bhopal to cut the ribbon of a store the actress arrived at the scheduled 2 pm time and was supposed to leave by 3.15 flight back to Mumbai. But once the launch was over which actually took just fifteen minutes the crowds gathered at the store refused to move calling out the actress’s name again and again.
Zarine Item Girl
When Zarine refused to go out to make an appearance (as that was not part of the deal) the crowd of men (some local strongmen) got miffed and the cheers changed to catcalls and wolf whistles and unmentionable expletives. The ruckus got so bad that the nervous security guards of the shop could just about prevent the insistent men from barging into the store. Even worse with just about half an hour to make it to the airport the actress became very nervous and had an exchange of words with the owners for putting her in this scary predicament and insisted they call the cops. But the owners (apparently not wanting to involve the cops who they said would take money) offered the poor girl cold drinks and requested her to smile and pose at the men standing outside. The tamasha continued for some more time till the actress finally agreed to come out and as directed, Zarine greeted everyone and requested them to clear the way so that she could leave to catch her flight but was only allowed to go to her waiting car after she said a few dialogues and shook hands. Surrounded by an excited group of men screaming out her name the actress when finally in the car started shivering and howling. She missed her flight but apparently she is more pissed at reports that the organisers were in cahoots with the men and the tamasha was staged to get more publicity. 

Friday, 19 April 2013

EK THI DAAYAN

Item Girl
She was getting ready backstage for her item dance at the recently held award show close to table fans with water drizzlers placed to douse the heat. The ACs were not working so she stayed close to the fans so that her makeup did not run.  
‘Its really hot. Can’t we have this ac up?’ yelled the angry young stunning item girl(and actress) barging into the room hot and flushed after her robust dance. The young thing, one of the showstoppers of the award night, was pissed with the cramped quarters and threw loud tantrums about being a ‘big heroine' and not used to such ‘crap treatment’ and they’d better do something or she would ‘leave the shitty award show’. ‘arrey yeh kya c**** event hai ! I am boiling do something!! You idiots don't know how to manage an event—
‘Madam pls—’ The bewildered organisers failed to placate the heroine who was getting angrier by the minute.  
‘How come Mr superstar hero has his ac working?? I know you people. Actresses ko c***** samajhtey ho? Listen I am going to barge into his room if you don’t fix this and blame it all on you—
While the event organisers scampered about to get the AC started and arrange for more table fans (bitchily labelling her a daayan behind her back !!)  they could not help comparing her with the other chilled out actress an epitome of grace and style sitting quietly in her corner and not acting pricey or throwing her weight. Matters came to a head when a bunch of young junior artist in shiny golden underwear-shorts and bustiers barged in as their was no electricity in their backstage room. There was utter confusion backstage. Junior artistes rushed round stumbling, tripping, half naked. The angry young actress now totally lost her cool and started yelling shooing the girlswhen the organisers intervened saying a special room had been arranged for her. Her makeup streaking the angry young thing stamped out of the room saying she was leaving and they could get some ''other Daayan'' to finish the act!! Obviously the actress had overheard the uncomplimentary remarks against her. The organisers now totally in a soup were bailed out by the chilled out actress who agreed to fill the spot left vacant as she had earlier performed on the same dance. Floored by Miss Congeniality the organisers were by now totally impressed with the cool actress’s supercool demeanour when suddenly angry shouts were heard coming out from the room punctured by the choicest of abuses.   
‘I want double the money now—or no dance. What do you take me for? A c***** daayan? Paisa do tamasha dekho.’ She said determinedly her perfect Miss congeniality smile still intact. 

Thursday, 18 April 2013

The Lowdown

The red carpet was swimming with stars and tv actor turned stars. Stylish don juans and pretty dilettantes in LBDs accompanied by and me-too-star type sisters in designer rip offs trailed by gushing mummies and paunchy papas and arm candies and ugly eyesores wearing don’t ask me what. It was the premier of a film and the antsy media was tired of waiting for the stars when in walked this young and pretty (but hopelessly big boned) actress who is desperately trying to make her mark in bollywood.

‘How manly she looks! I think she should lay off the bodybuilding!!’ someone’s voice rang out clearly and the young actress’s pretty smile froze though she cleverly tried to pretend she hadn’t heard the remark. Her recent addiction to size zero has left her all skin and angular and the media is without mercy. What surprised all was how the young actress was hanging on to this yesteryears’ hero today reduced to a puffy profile (from years alcohol abuse).

‘Look who she is tumbling in with! where did she find him ? and Kya pehna hai? Looks like a chaddar !’

The yesteryear’s hero was trying too hard (and failing) to get the (clearly not interested) media’s attention with his stale jokes and old film dialogues while the brave young actress kept a frozen grin firmly on her face. While the media ran to take bites from other lesser tv celebrities the two were mostly ignored and the young actress was looking pretty left out. But suddenly the scene changed and the media swarmed around the surprised actress and her delighted escort taking pictures pan shots zoom ins. ‘Can we get two minutes?’’ aapka fashion statement kya hai ?’ ‘just one shot shir .. one shot maam’.

In fact the media surge was so much that the massive rusty black barricade in front of them seemed to be bursting at the seams.

‘I lurrrve to be herrre,’ the pretty young actress proceeded to say in a dulcet tones when inadvertently a reporter revealed to her the reason for the sudden burst of media activity. The unaware yesteryears Hero’s designer dress’s designer fly was open!!! And what looked like underwear was clearly visible. The actress gagged and obviously having had enough left the scene in a hurry leaving the hero looking confused till some members of the media gave him the lowdown!!!

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

WHAT GOES AROUND


Bollywood Break Up, Item GirlShe is very nervous and irritable nowadays if you quiz her about him. She has reason to be. This beautiful actress’s current boyfriend (a very successful and talented star) is now bum chumming with his stunning ex who (its comman knowledge) still has the hots for him. The beautiful actress is well aware of her boyfriend’s philandering ways having herself benefitted from his roving eye when he(enjoying his jawani to the hilt) was still seeing his ex ! But listen to this.  Despite her choc a bloc schedule, the beautiful actress is looking for bizzare reasons to land up at the sets of the film which her current is shooting with his ex. Over garam chai bitchy insiders and jealous friends are recalling the not so distant past when this same actress was caught slyly seeing the unfaithful ex when he was still in a serious relationship with his now ex!! Errr complicated naa? But then isn’t love always that, or its not worth talking about. But there is trouble in paradise since the beautiful actress, who is also approaching a certain age is now persistently demanding serious commitment and is most unhappy with the exes getting friendly again. While the deewani stunner who has much matured since her pehla pehla khumaar wala craze can be seen basking in the attention of her ex and is positively glowing with don’t ask me what! The two are spending long hours on the sets together but the candid photops released for public (yes her too) consumption always has the two at ‘safe’ distance, not even making eye contact!! Obviously the possessive girlfriend is not convinced and
it’s a big big fight waiting to happen.

Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Public Flight

Suddenly the shiny silver car swerved dangerously and screeched to a halt in the busy side lane opposite a top hair-styling shop in Bandra. The fashionably dressed occupants of the silver car were in the midst of an intense raging argument. Passer-bys slowed down sensing a good tamasha and straining to get a peek of what was totally not their business (as any good god swearing normal Indian would in such a circumstance). The fight between the stunning very young upcoming actress and a mystery man was happening in full public view. She shouted. He shouted back. She seemed to be begging. He seemed to be in no mood to relent as he pounded some numbers on his cell phone and the girl tried to pull it from his hand when he very rudely brushed her hand off. She panicked when she saw the crowd building and tried to cover her face with a striped scarf and rolled up the windows.
Item Girl
Obviously embarrassed the girl tried to regain her composure and seemed to be beseeching man who kept yelling on the phone. She tried to take the keys of the car and signaled the man to move pointing at the gathering crowd outside their car. But the raging man would not budge and it finally took two traffic constables to break the crowd. The couple were ordered to roll down their windows which they stubbornly kept closed for some time. But finally with passions subsiding, good sense eventually prevailed. Scared of trigger happy photogs the couple begged the constables to not to make them come out of the car and it must have been their lucky day as the men obliged giving the couple some gyaan on public behaviour for good fifteen minutes. All seemed well and the car sped off only to come to a screeching halt half a kilometre away!!! The car door flew open and the scarf covered girl threw what appeared to be some papers on the man’s face and tears streaming, red nosed she flagged an auto and sped off.

Monday, 15 April 2013

You Know Who I AM ?

‘Parrrrrty in the day. Parrrrrty at night! Mazaaaa hai. Who were you with last night?’ Tauba I tell you ! There is no dearth of jokers at these filmy parties. This one was supposed to be different as we were all asked to dress in ‘traditional’ Indian attire(stunning sabyasachi and nehla khan and manish malhotra and sumeet arora sarees, while the men were immaculately dressed in Zardozis, Jodhpuri bandhgalas and silk sherwanis). And then there was this huge big mystery over the name of the chief guest of the shaam. And then the usual jokers which populate every party..!

‘Hey hottie! I have heard after John Abraham you are also going to insure your butt—

  

‘Well its my butt naa so what difference does it make if I insure my butt—’ My rebuttal was interrupted by the hyperventilating hostess who shrieked into the mike the name of her chief guest a reticent BIG star from South who she claimed to be a great fan of. So lots of ooohs and aahs and jealous swipes and disbelieving stares were directed at he hostess who was CLEARLY in seventh heaven at having swung such a coup de grace. Her party would now be the talked about affair of the season. But since there was time for the superstar to arrive the guests partook in the seekh kababs and continental salads to frozen fresh-fruit desserts and rum-soaked ├ęclairs and sour pork ( which I avoided), glutinous rice, raw-fish curries and deep-fried pudding made you gag. But it was the free booze and cigar counter that was the biggest hit. Champagne and daiquiris, chiantis and clarets..ahhh. I  lavish food and juicy bitching and what fun naa….—the guests were having too much of a good time to bother about the fact that the chief show stopper was very late.

The merry evening was interrupted by a commotion at the entry. Apparently there was a big tamasha over a group of people who were trying to enter the venue but were being pushed out. But these were no ordinary gate crashers…I guessed when I saw the hostess her face a strange shade of beet root red galloping towards the door faster than I have seen anyone her size sprint. She had reason too. The gentleman who had been blocked entry was the reticent superstar from south who had attended the soiree in simple kurta pyjama minus his WIG and his bodyguards !! Well you cant blame anyone naa for not recognising him considering how even piddly middle rung bollywood stars wont be seen without a fleshy ring of mean looking boncers nowadays – well the sad fallout of the evening which had begun with such promise was that the gentleman superstar(yes there are those kinds too!!) wished his hostess a polite goodnight and walked off leaving the hostess in tears. Tcchch tchhh the bouncers need to watch films beyond bodyguard and dabang.

Very Jhagdamental!

Huge jhagda on the sets of Salman Khan's film Mental. In Lavasa the shooting of Mental has STOPPED with allegations of bias and favoritism towards Bollywood artistes. A very important scene of Mental was interrupted when the men artistes from Hyderabad raised a ruckus. 


The controversy started when thirty fighters from Hyderabad and Chennai were called for the action sequences. But during the shoot the south group realized to their SHOCK that not only were they in lesser than stipulated numbers as compared to Bollywood artistes ( three from south for every seven from bollywood) but they were also getting only FIFTY PERCENT of what Bollywood artistes were getting paid ! 

The south group got pissed as even Salman and Sohail made it clear that no changes would be made to the ratio. The disgruntled fighters called up FWICE (Federation of Western India Cine Employees) officials in Mumbai, but only to be told that their argument held no water.

Well they dug in their heels, and refused to participate in the shoot and with neither party willing to budge despite repeated entreaties from Salman and Sohail. According to a source from the film unit: "The entire sequence has come to a standstill after this jhagda over equal remuneration and representation.

Patakha


This sizzling imported patakha is giving sleepless nights to a stunning and highly finished heroine who has had a bit of bad luck at the box office recently. Problem is that in her The patakha wrapped moneybags producer, who is also into big ticket event management, around her lily white little finger. The man is so taken in with her ‘extra’ ordinary charms that he thinks she is the epitome of a complete woman.

‘O god she is so pure. So beautiful. So perfect—’ he goes on and on shamelessly to anyone within a hearing distance. This has been received by much amusement by the rest of the crew as the patakha is half the well spread producer’s age. Of course the imported patakha can’t speak Hindi but then since when has that been a problem for any girl to become a Bollywood actress? The enamoured producer is shelling mega bucks and has employed two university lecturers to teach her Hindi.

‘I have found our star.’ Now the patakha getting royal treatment from the producer has raised hackled with the top heroine who is scared that the SHE may well end up a big time loser may end up getting better lines and better costumes than her. Matters came to a head specially after she saw the patakha descending from a sleeker and much more expensive looking vanity van than hers. Not happy with the way things are going its learnt that the talented heroine has become so insecure she sent her minion in the form of the film’s director who cribbed rightly to the producer that—

‘But there is no part for her in the script’
‘So rewrite the script. I want her in it.’ 

Friday, 12 April 2013

BRANDED

Does your State have a tarnished image? Are you facing flak for bad governance? Is the pesky aam janta asking you uncomfortable questions? Do you need an image makeover for your State?

Hello Mr/Madam Chief Minister how come you have still not gotten yourself a sleeky shiny Superstar Brand Ambassador (arrey no no... except that Sachin, cricketers are a dicey bunch unless you want to gamble but then it’s your money).

Cmaaaaaon you cant be so dumb that you don’t know that a Superstar Brand Ambassador could do wonders for your States’ tattered image. Just outsource your image building to these glib and glamorous spin-doctors. Go on. Sign on as many…Brand ambassador for your Rickshaws, a Brand ambassador for Tongas ( Yes please get in your main public transport in too, the janta will connect with them).

The maths is clear naa.

A state + A superstar = A superstar state

Chief Minister imagine how ‘shandaar’ you will look standing next to a glamorous Superstar Brand Ambassador. It will look even better if you can get him to kiss you. I tell you people will stop pestering you about stupid issues like governance, polity, education, security and such silly things like bizli paani and sadak !! My advise to you is that you sign brand ambassadors for bizli paani sadak first. You see then the janta will curse the stars and you can escape the blame! Don’t worry money will not be wasted. The stars come with guarantee after all they come very 'branded' ! Branded in banyans and watches and creams and apartments and shampoos and shoes and five star holiday packages and gutkas and whiskies, and with your blessings, now an Indian State or two.

But you must listen to this latest development. What some ignorant and irritating people want to know is how does a Superstar Brand Ambassador of a State reckon when the  the commodity, which the Superstar Brand Ambassador is selling, in this case a State’s image is tarnished? Irritating pesky ignoramuses want to know whether they can take Mr/Ms Superstar  Brand Ambassador to the National Consumer Disputes Redressal Commission? Silly fools that they are they think that a Superstar Brand Ambassador should be held accountable for selling a tarnished brand to consumers? I mean really now since when have consumers ANY rights in this country?

I mean it's a branding shame naa!


Thursday, 11 April 2013

NO STUNT THIS!


Kya hua what happened? Well the stuntman is refusing to jump off the ninth floor of the building onto the moving car!! That’s what’s happened. In Bollywood it’s unheard of for stuntman to say no. But apparently they have got wind of the fact that they have rights too. The stunt was to be for a mega budget film with an A listed superstar, known for his super action packed roles, in the lead. The star has a penchant of calling himself the real ‘MARD’ among the Bollywood heroes and has a whole list of dangerous stunts chalked out for his stuntman. It’s common knowledge that the star is addicted to action packed Korean films.
So when the stuntman refused to do the extremely dangerous stunt the action director was stumped and every trick in the trade was tried to coax the stuntman (one of the best in the business) to do the job but the pragmatic man would not budge wasting a whole lot of production time.
At this the star went berserk and roared at the hapless stuntman in front of the whole crew:
‘—what is he mad? He can’t refuse – I have to jump I mean the Hero has to be shown jumping— he he has to jump!!'
‘That ******* bahut tantaa kar raha hai ! He says he will not do without harnesses—we haven’t got them yet—
Not who will tell this stuck up star that ab woh zamana nahin that you say ‘jump’ and someone will jump!  
Last heard the star and producer threatening the man with:
‘—Tell that **** he can forget his insurance claims the job for his brother heck he can forget he has a job at all tell him—

LIKH KE LE LE


This Khan does not like it Sunny side up! Why.... you ask?
Well hear this: Ex Porn star and now Hindi film actress Sunny Leone, who is making news for her latest item number which has her dancing with John Abraham on lyrics like ‘’…laila teri le legi…tu likh ke le le’’ has accused sometime actor KRK of making ‘loose comments’ on her . The recently turned Hindi film actress and item girl has filed police complaint against loudmouth Kamal R Khan. The former adult star Sunny Leone is pissed with Kamal R Khan for wrongly attributing a controversial rape comment to her on his Twitter page. The item girl had had recently posted a very outrageous tweet of which she of course later denied telling her account had been hacked for five minutes. Hacked for 5 minutes!! Chalo whatever ! But twitter troll KRK who is an avid followed of the adult actress instantly posted: 
“Ye lo… Sunny Leone says? Rape is not a crime, its surprise sex.”

Sunny Leone who is known for her very hot adult films is fuming:
“—I would have ignored this man’s tweet but it became an issue—it’s disgusting for someone to make a joke out of this.’ The item girl wants to make sure that no one, well at least not KRK, makes loose comments on her. But KRK's lawyers are now busy preparing cases to file in Mumbai and Delhi against Sunny Leone for ‘indecent’ quotes and has ‘promised’ to get her deported from India very soon. As I said this Khan does not like it Sunny side up.

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

BAAP RE BAAP


Even before his first film is out this non-photogenic star kid (psst they are still kids at 45 naa but this one is bonafide bachha) …so chalo he has spent crores(of his papa’s hard earned maal) on his personal styling. He is still far from photogenic but then indulgent yesteryear red blooded superstar Papa, with plenty of dough, will do whatever it takes for his darling ‘jigad ka tukra’. So star baba capped his teeth lost his spring chicken cheeks surgically and almost overnight acquired a V shaped body which stunned his friends. And now his hair has gone noticeably thicker. On how the limpy hair acquired a life of their own his new set of lips are sealed. His jealous friend bitched behind his back that star baba is looking so different he is now having to get new set of obviously designer pictures, clicked for his car and passport. Papa has now made it very clear to the director that:
‘I don’t want a cute film. I don’t care for godly talent. Just make me a monster hit.. and my son a superstar. The whole bollywood is rooting for him— he roared !’ and is dictating the cast opposite his son.
The director let out the truth on the not very photogenic star kid’s prospect  
‘What the sad pathetic joke—he looks bad from every angle—except A VERY long shot!’
Chalo so …the director was sent knocking at the door of a top stunning actress(star baba’s favourite actress) to do a dhamaakedaar item number in the film but the actress wanted an unheard of obscene amount of money to fob them off. The director gagged but on the star struck insistence Papa has agreed and the top actress is now in a dilemma.  


BY HOOK OR BY CROOK

‘I can tell you IT’S A the great idea. Just this I have a great great red hot idea. I will tell you my idea just let me get hold of the ****’s script’ 
This is how every conversation worth a dollar is starting in Bollywood to say. Everyone wants an in into this maha film being adapted from the ‘golden’ script of this author who achieved almost overnight success(dont ask me how).
Item GirlChalo…so a mega film with a mega cast is being prepared already billed a super-duper-blockbuster. The author is neck deep in personal invites from superstars thirsting for a role. Dont ask me who but this top heroine, known for her thumkas, has been non-stop on the phone with the author trying to call him to her personal soirees. The author though flattered is also being courted by a rival camp and does not have the gumption to say no to anyone. The thing is the author has personal favourites, a handsome top actor and talented masaledaar actress who he thinks will do complete justice to the roles. But Mr moneybags producer, who is not on speaking terms with either,  has made it clear that the buck starts and stops with him. The author is now being politely told that he should be happy(and thankful) that his name will feature prominently in the credits. The shit thing is that the poor author is facing the flak. Last heard a top actress bitching….  
‘I sent my secy to him he sent her back with a note scribbled ‘forget it’ its my film no one tells me forget it! Do kaudi ka writer frigging off his rocker ,.he just does not acknowledge the letters I send him—

HAR EK PRODUCER KAMINA HOTA HAI


She is talented, stunning and equally volatile actress. An A list star had the hots for her and maamla got so serious that star’s equally fiery biwi lost it and made sure the actress lost out on plum projects and never worked with her hubby again. Don’t ask me how but her e mail account was recently hacked with half her friends getting nasty emails before it was shut down. But I digress. So while ‘He’ is out grazing on new and fresh pastures, the emotionally strung and pissed of actress has gone positively flaky with outlandish demands for her latest film. 

Item Girl Bollywood

Miss Heroine is demanding that the Moneybags producer, who is a friend of her ‘Ex’, should book her into a nearby suburban luxury hotel so she can get her beauty sleep. But the skinflint producer is not giving her the time of the day. Stay with the rest of the cast on the set or in your van – He hollered at her in front of the crew! And this has left the heroine fuming and extremely displeased. She is bitching to everyone about the producers’ battle with the bulge laced with unprintable expletives. The actress is complaining that she has to shoot at night and cant sleepin the days because its noisy outside and alleged she had some peeping toms scaring her. So she wants her family to be put in with her in a luxury suite. Needless to say the producer threw her demand out and told her to deal with it. The actress is shocked since she has come to know that another heroine had been provided luxury hotel accommodation by the same producer.